Still jokes

Today I asked my phone, Siri, why am I still single?

And I activated the front camera! 😭😭😭😭😭

It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.

You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?

When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...

...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!

Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.

How do you know if a chick is too fat?

If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.

Chuck Norris can toss Jupiter at the Sun with his bare hands.

And he still cannot win a fighting match against Bruce Lee.

When the North Tower saw the South Tower collapse, he would say, "I'm still standing."

What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas?

I don't know, he still hasn't opened it yet.

Me: I saw your parents yesterday.

Orphan girl: Where?

Me: The coffin was still open.

What's the similarity between an emotional and a leaf?

The emo is still hanging.

I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"

Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"

What can jump the highest?

Emo kids, some are still in the air.

What did the snail say to his ex-wife?

"I'm still leaving you!"

I was born and raised in Newcastle.

My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.

10 years ago my dad said I should eat cereal with water until he comes back with the milk... I still eat cereal with water, sadly.

How do people grade pedophiles?

1st grade to 8th grade.

(I know it's orphan jokes but still)

Before my grandad died, he whispered to me, "Is your uncle still in the basement?" I said he has died. Oh, my grandad said, "I will lock him in heaven's basement."

I have a really good construction joke, but I’ll have to post it later because I’m still working on it.

I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."

Teacher: What comes after C?

Me: Ooh! Ooh! C4!

Teacher: Umm, ok... but still what comes after A?

Me: AK47!!!

Teacher thought: Oh hell na.

Teacher: What comes after X?

Me: Xplosin.

1 second later, bomb goes off. Idk.

Chuck Norris' dick is so big that it has its own dick. And his dick's dick is still bigger than Bruce Lee.