Still jokes

What's worse than 100 dead babies in a skip?

The one that's still alive in the middle trying to eat its way out.

When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A.

Before my grandad died, he whispered to me, "Is your uncle still in the basement?" I said he has died. Oh, my grandad said, "I will lock him in heaven's basement."

Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't know why I am still alive for you.

Hey Evan, this is Dad. Ya, I’m still not home.

Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.

Yo mama is so fat that I could write 3 paragraphs, and she still wouldn’t fit.

There were once these two twins. One twin, no matter what happened, was always pissed off, while the other one was always happy.

This baffled scientists, so they ran an experiment on the twins to figure out what was happening. They took the angry one and left him in a room with all of the latest technology and the most expensive toys and left him overnight. When they came back, he was still grumpy. When they asked him why, he said, "None of these are actually mine, and you left me in here all night, so I'm angry!"

His explanation was reasonable, so they ran another experiment on the other kid. This time, they left him overnight in a room that was literally just filled with horse shit. When they came back to check on him the next morning, he was still smiling. When they asked him why, he said, "With all of this horse crap, there has to be a pony in here somewhere!"

Teacher: What comes after C?

Me: Ooh! Ooh! C4!

Teacher: Umm, ok... but still what comes after A?

Me: AK47!!!

Teacher thought: Oh hell na.

Teacher: What comes after X?

Me: Xplosin.

1 second later, bomb goes off. Idk.

That moment when you realize you do not have a joke and someone ends up laughing at what you still wrote anyway.

The other day my wife told me to pass her her lipstick, but I accidently passed her a glue stick... she still isn't talking to me.

Your forehead is so big, I took a picture of it last Christmas, and it’s still printing.

I asked my mom with cerebral palsy a question.

Still waiting on an answer.

How many babies does it take to replace a light bulb? I'm guessing more than 10 cause it's still dark in my basement.

What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?

Someone: Ugly?

Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.

A lesbian couple and a gay couple are going to San Francisco. Who made it first?

The lesbian couple got there lickety-split.

The gay couple was still packing their shit.

What’s the difference between people and chocolate? I can still buy dark chocolate.

All these African jokes aren't funny when you are a lover of Africa, how are there still Africans alive? Y'all are racist and may God forgive you. You know we're rich with natural resources, that's why y'all come to steal from us. Shame on you all!

Yo mom's so fat, I went over to her house a few years ago and wanted to watch TV.

So I asked for the TV remote, and she's still trying to get it!

Me: God, Bryce, do we really have to talk about this again?

Bryce: What?

Me: You're still talking shit!! I already told you! It's 9 inches! Stop saying it's 3!

P.S. I'm a girl.