Still jokes

Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?

My parents created a joke 11 years ago and people are still laughing at it, but I know it's not me because jokes have meaning.

I was crying at school because my grandpa died. My friends asked what his last words were. I told them his last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d still only have five cents.

What did Josef Vasicek think before the plane hit the ground?

"Oh shit, is my name still on the Stanley Cup?"

Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.

So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...

When you still there?

"Prince, be honest, do you still love me?"

"Prince? Are you still there?"

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

I had some puns about construction, but I'm still working on them.

Do you want to hear a joke about a construction?

Sorry, still working on it!

Hey, wanna hear a construction joke?

- Sure.

Oh sorry, I'm still working on it :-]

Hey Evan, this is Dad. Ya, I’m still not home.

What happened to Stephen Hawking after he reached Heaven?

Nothing yet. He is still struggling to get up the stairway to Heaven.

I'm the type to blow up half of my house to kill a spider... and still miss.

I pulled a prank on my friend the other day. I painted a portrait of the backrooms blueprints while he was sleeping. Still had some extra space.

What do you call a sad rabbit? Unhoppy.

Why isn't there a sad sunglasses emoji? To show that I am happy but I'm still cool.

How many Tottenham players does it take to win a trophy? It doesn't matter how hard they try, they still can't win one anyway.

My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.