Still jokes

I was crying at school because my grandpa died. My friends asked what his last words were. I told them his last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?

My parents created a joke 11 years ago and people are still laughing at it, but I know it's not me because jokes have meaning.

Anne Frank is still the Nazi hide-and-go-seek champion.

What's worse than 100 dead babies in a skip?

The one that's still alive in the middle trying to eat its way out.

Queen Elizabeth died a couple weeks ago. I'm still trying to find the reboot catd.

It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.

Yo mama's so fat, when she went on the scale it said, "Still counting."

Your momma's so fat, when she pulls her knickers down, her ass is still in 'em!

It’s Christmas and Sally has a gift. She got a Barrie. Just kidding, she still hasn’t opened it.

What did Josef Vasicek think before the plane hit the ground?

"Oh shit, is my name still on the Stanley Cup?"

Friend (Evan): Did you do some dumb shit?

Me: Hell yeah.

Friend (Evan): Did you get us both in trouble?

Me: Hell yeah.

Friend (Evan): Will I still help you because you are my best friend?

Both: FUCK YEAH!

If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d still only have five cents.

Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.

So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...

When you still there?

"Prince, be honest, do you still love me?"

"Prince? Are you still there?"

What happened to Stephen Hawking after he reached Heaven?

Nothing yet. He is still struggling to get up the stairway to Heaven.

Do you want to hear a joke about a construction?

Sorry, still working on it!

I had some puns about construction, but I'm still working on them.