Still jokes

Little Johnny meets Big Suzy.

Little Johnny and Big Suzy got together.

Little Johnny still regrets getting together with her to this very day.

The end.

A woman once didn't return home for the night, and the next morning when she arrived home, her husband started questioning her about where she had been. She lied, saying she slept at one of her friends' houses.

The man proceeded to call all her friends, all of whom denied her sleeping at their places the previous night.

Meanwhile, somewhere else, a man didn't return home to his wife for the night either. The following morning, his wife started questioning him, and he lied, saying he slept at a friend's house. She proceeded to call all his friends. All of them said that he indeed slept at their places the previous night, and one of them even insisted that he's still there, but he's using the bathroom and he can't talk right now!

I was at my boyfriend's house, and I thought he was cheating on me. He was on the phone with somebody, and he said he'd be over there soon. So I asked him if I could see his phone. He said no, and then we fought about it until I saw his gun, and because I thought he was lying to me, I shot him, went through his phone, and his friend was still on the phone.

A man walks into a skyscraper bar and takes a shot of tequila and jumps out of a window. An onlooker watches this and is scared, but what scared him most is when the same man who jumped came back up again 10 minutes later.

The onlooker who is amazed asked the man how he was still alive, and the man said with a drunk, slurred voice, “I don’t know, every time I take a shot and jump I float right before I hit the ground!” The man demonstrates and as he said floated down and came back up to the bar. The onlooker says that he must try, slams a shot of tequila and jumps SPLAT!

The bartender looks at the first man and says, “Your an a**hole when your drunk, Superman.”

A man with 20 dollars walked into Dave & Buster's. He went to the bathroom to wash his hands. He walked out without any clothes but still has his money.

So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.

After all these walkers, you still walk over me.

Why'd the Titanic sink? Because your mom was still on it!

Are you still a virgin?

If you do IT

With no one?

What's the difference between a hippie chick and a can of Spam?

After 6 months in the woods, you'll still eat the can of Spam.

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no balls?

Still no fucking idea.

What's the most annoying thing in the world?

When you're told you're still qualified to live.

Yo mama is so fat that when I was printing a picture of her last year, it's still printing.

Who can jump the highest?

Emo kids, some are still in the air.

if an atom makes up everything im still suprised how it made ur mom

What do you call skeletons having sex?

When the relationship is dead, but you're still fucking.

You're American when you go in the bathroom, and you're American when you come out, but what are you when you are still in the bathroom? European (you're-a-peein').

How many hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.

"Oh, you’re still talking? I thought background noise was supposed to fade out after a while. Must be tough waking up every day knowing your personality was a failed experiment."

How many retards does it take to change a lightbulb? None! They are still too busy trying to turn off the dark.

Click...uh Click..........,.UH!!

Confucius say, never try win head-butting contest with mongoloid: you’ll lose every time and only hurt yourself.

(mono gloid? mong a’ loid squeals)

Did you hear the one about the dog raised by retards?

All he’d do is go “Uh-f, uh-f....Ooohhhh!”