Stage jokes
Stephen Hawking tried comedy.
His first line ruined it. "You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand."
Why did the actor fall through the floor?
He was just going through a stage!
What do eggs like doing on stage?
Cracking jokes!
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboard?
Don't worry, he was just going through a stage.
I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"
He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"
Drums at Performance
What do you call a dino stripper?
A dinohore.
Why do they tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast.
My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.
Why don’t rappers play hide and seek?
Because good luck finding someone who’s always in the booth!
Have you seen the inside of Ford's Theatre? It will blow your mind. ~Abraham Lincoln
I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"
And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"
Everyone becomes happy when they complete the last stage of the game.
But the cancer patients aren't.
Why did the rapper bring a basketball to the concert?
To drop some SLAM DUNKS on the mic!
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the concert?
Because he wanted to reach new heights in his performance.
Why did the rapper wear sunglasses to the concert?
Because his lyrics were so fire, he needed protection!
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that does comedy?
Sit down comedy.
Why did the rapper bring a broom on stage?
To sweep the competition!
Why did the rapper bring a parachute to the show?
Because he wanted to drop some FLY VERSES!
I’m in a wheelchair and I can do stand-up comedy, oh wait...
What do you call a rapper who's also a magician?
MC Presto.