Speed jokes
How many babies does it take to paint wheels red?
It depends on your speed.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a crowbar could do it so much quicker.
What goes 200 mph and is red?
Babies in a blender.
Why is the cheetah so fast?
Because it can't walk slow.
Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.
Mother Nature deserves a traffic ticket.
Summer is speeding by way too fast. 🤣🤣🤣
What do you get if you cross hot wheels, hot legs? Hehe.
Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book.
Man 2: Aww, books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore.
Man 1: She was in the road, and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore.
What's red all over and spins at 100 mps?
Baby in a blender.
What’s loud, red and goes at 200mph?
Paul Walker’s Porsche.
Are you a race car?
Cuz I’m tryna fuck.
What is the fastest cake in the world?
Scone.
What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?
A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.
Are you lightning?
Because you're McQueen.
Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?
A: They drive slow through school zones.
As a scientist, I confirm that you speak too fast. It has a speed of 1 bullshit per second.
Why can't cheetahs play any games?
Because they're cheetahs!
Your mama so fat the flash died halfway running around her.
What card is the slowest and slimiest?
Ace-nail.
Why does the orange 🍊 beat the other fruits 🍎 in every race?
Because it never runs out of juice.