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Speed

Speed jokes

I went to a museum and saw clocks. The owner told me these were lying clocks.

"This is God's clock. It never moved because he never lied."

"This is your clock. It moved 3 times because you lied 3 times."

I asked where is President Trump's clock. He said it was at the equator, spinning super fast for those who were on fire. I laughed so hard because it was so true!

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a crowbar could do it so much quicker.

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    • Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.

    Mother Nature deserves a traffic ticket.

    Summer is speeding by way too fast. 🤣🤣🤣

    Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book.

    Man 2: Aww, books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore.

    Man 1: She was in the road, and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore.

    What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?

    A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.

    Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?

    A: They drive slow through school zones.

    As a scientist, I confirm that you speak too fast. It has a speed of 1 bullshit per second.