**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him ... everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing ... I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market ... they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
What do you say to a depressed special kid:
“Why so down”
Jesus takes his disciples to a bar , '13 pints of water please' he says to the barman 'Oh fuck not you again' barman replies 'You boys are about to see something real special' says Jesus
what do Special Ed kids and fast kids have in common? They like to do things SPED up.
What do you call a wheelchair person with a gun? Special ops
Man: How do you prepare your chicken? Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.
Everyone always has a special person in there life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus
Why do special ED classes have fans? To keep the vegetables nice and fresh
I asked my brother who is autistic how he found his gf he said on a special website
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
How can you be fast and slow at the same time getting a gold medal in the special Olympics?
A lady walked into a bar and ordered their special drink, the bartender then gave her a brown glass full of milk, the lady complained about this but then the bartender said, "just shut up and swallow"
Given that it's a major guarantee that little boys underwear will be half off at Kmart thanks to the blue light specials, now you know why Michael Jackson likes to loiter around the store all day long.
Remember that you're unique, just like everyone else
What do you call an autistic My Little Pony?
Twilight Special
I took a special needs child to a shooting range.
Poor bastard had no idea which direction to run in.
funny jokes are like kids with autism. they have special needs to make them.
