Special jokes

You really put the R in special.

When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.

“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”

How can you be fast and slow at the same time, getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics?

Husband: "Honey, I just bought these special Olympic-style condoms!"

Wife: "Olympic-style condoms? What makes them so special?"

Husband: "They come in three colors: gold, silver, and bronze."

Wife: "Ooh, sweet. What color are you going to wear tonight?"

Husband: "Gold, of course!"

Wife: "Why don't you wear silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change."

I took a special needs child to a shooting range.

Poor bastard had no idea which direction to run in.

What do you call a fudge packer who has special needs?

A gay black male that has Down Syndrome.

I specialize in jokes about orphans. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

A lady walked into a bar and ordered their special drink. The bartender then gave her a brown glass full of milk. The lady complained about this, but then the bartender said, "Just shut up and swallow!"

What do you call an autistic My Little Pony?

Twilight Special.

How do you kill a retard?

Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"

Funny jokes are like kids with autism.

They have special needs to make them.

Why do ableist people hate autistics?

They're scared they'll never be special enough.

I know a lot of people hate tapeworms, but they will always have a special place in my heart.

What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?

"I thought what we had was special!"

A special quote: “No, Mackenzie! You're the savage beast!”

What do you call a special needs kid with a motorcycle?

Motor disease.

"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."

A special quote: “I was gonna slap that girl into tomorrow!”

Why is September 11th an awesome birthday to have?

Because no one forgets it! :)

Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.