Sound jokes
Why can't humans hear a dog whistle? -- Because dogs can't whistle.
My wife accused me of cheating. I told her she started to sound like my wife.
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
The butt quack one.
What does a perverted frog say?
"Rubbit."
Uhhhh ohhhhhhh yea (moan).
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
In a game, there are crew members that have to keep the ship running. But little did they know, there was an imposter among them.
Sound familiar? 🤔
Well, in September 11th...
What do you call a Chinese rapist? Rae ping you.
What's the sound that dwarfs make when they have sex?
Broken plates.
What's the same thing between a baby and a grenade?
They both make a sound when thrown.
What do you call an obnoxiously loud fog horn? A beginner saxophonist.
What's a rabbit's favorite song?
Hip hop.
Ayo, the pizza here... OH NlGGA! AHHHHH!... Augh, my ears burn!
How did the Asian couple name their child?
They dropped pots and pans down the stairs and listened to the noises.
"Why couldn’t the DJ keep any of the fish he caught?
He kept dropping the bass."
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.
doctor: you need to eat healthy.
me: no.
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.
me: oh my goodness.
doctor: in a plane crash.
me: that sounds unrelated.
doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!
What do cows listen to on headphones?
moo-sic.
I saw this one quote: "The people who smile the most are covering the most pain." I think this is true, just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends, but with my parents and family, I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do.
I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe, 22/24, but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate, saying I would tell her that my depression got worse. She went along with it, but I haven't told my mum and I now make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist.