What do you do when you're sad?
Nothing, because you are just crying about something happening to you.
John walked into Pat at the barn. He was dancing naked in front of a tractor. John said, "Hey, Pat, what are you doing?"
Pat said, "Well, me and the wife have been having a bit of trouble in bed, so I went to a therapist, and he said I should do something sexy to a tractor (attract her)."
I said something in your ear, and then it echoed because of the size of your forehead because your brain [is] small.
whats something red that is bad for your teeth?
a brick.
I decided today that I was going to do something with my life, something amazing, and I decided to punch a homeless man.
Two Asian people have a black baby.
Something wrong.
Ariana Grande agrees with me on something: women belong in the kitchen and bedroom.
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.
My girlfriend is incredibly sad since her cat has disappeared.
I am quite sure now that I misunderstood something when she asked me to eat her pussy--and I am beginning to think that I did not get the "fuck her doggy" part either.
Suicide really isn't something to joke about, unless it's hanging yourself.
It's a really quicker way to die, and less blood spilled for your mother to clean up.
What do you call something that has 50 legs but can't walk, 25 disabled people
My balls are high, just like the towers, but when something impales them, they begin to sag.
*WARNING* THIS WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - READ IF YOU DARE.....
What came first? The chicken or the egg?
Which came first? The color orange or the fruit?
Who taught the first ever teacher?
If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected expected?
If you describe something as 'indescribable', then haven't you already described it?
In the word 'scent', is the silent letter the 's' or the 'ce'?
Why do your lips touch when they say the word 'separate', but don't touch when you say the word 'together'?
How many photos do you think you could be in the background of?
The guy who discovered cow milk, what was he doing with that cow?
Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh no, it's a cop"?
Is it possible to cry underwater?
If two left handers have an argument, who is right?
I warned you!! You just didn't listen.... :O
I have always been scared of stairs they’re always up to something
A vampire goes to the bakery.
Vampire: "One bun, please."
Baker: "But you're a vampire, don't you need blood?"
Vampire: "Yes, there is an accident outside and I need something to dip."
Say, "Hey, you're pretty." Then she'll say, "OMG, thank you so much," or something cringe. Then you say, "Pretty f***ing ugly, aha, gottie!"
I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.
I was reading a book one day when I suddenly heard a sound. It was the Grim Reaper. I ignored it and continued reading my book. Suddenly, I realized that I was one of the main characters, which, at the end, dies.
I used to like fireworks, but I'm dead now. Fireworks look like a charm if you don't mind something a little ghostly.
What lies beneath your nose and is being picked on? Your boogers.
If you drop something, make your short friend get it.
These orphan jokes are getting old. I mean, seriously, haven't you got something better to tell?
