Something jokes
I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so I cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand, I'm glad to help.
People go to places to see Harry Potter live, but you can just go to the abortion place and see something disappear.
Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.
Mom: Witherspoon.
Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!
Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.
Obama, Trump, and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.
Obama: "This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children!"
Trump: "Screw the women and children!"
Clinton: "Do you think we have time...?"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Who.
Who who are you? Are you an owl or something?
The 9/11 and the Spanish flu are kind of similar.
The Spanish flu was a very dangerous flu, and in 9/11, something very dangerous flew.
How to know something won’t be fun:
Someone will say, "C'mon, it’ll be fun!"
Hey, if you've watched Twilight with Edward, Bella, and Jacob, then here's something for you.
Do you think Bella should have gotten with Jacob? I think she should have, ngl.
Not a joke, but this needs saying. Please can someone do something about all the pedo posts on here. It’s honestly just nasty.
So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?
Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.
10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.
You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!
So I’m riding in the car with my dad and all of a sudden I smell something rank without warning.
My dad starts laughing at me.
Dad: “Son! That must have been an orphan fart! You know why?”
Me: “Why dad?”
Dad: “Because it ain’t got no pop!”
What’s the difference between a chicken and an orphan?
The chicken is actually used for something.
What do you do when you're sad?
Nothing, because you are just crying about something happening to you.
John walked into Pat at the barn. He was dancing naked in front of a tractor. John said, "Hey, Pat, what are you doing?"
Pat said, "Well, me and the wife have been having a bit of trouble in bed, so I went to a therapist, and he said I should do something sexy to a tractor (attract her)."
I said something in your ear, and then it echoed because of the size of your forehead because your brain [is] small.
What's something red that is bad for your teeth?
A brick.
I decided today that I was going to do something with my life, something amazing, and I decided to punch a homeless man.