Someone jokes
Wanna know why the plane actually crashed?
Someone turned off flight mode.
(Or a kid just turned on airplane mode.)
Yep, if someone says to you, "I can't roast trash," say, "Well, some trash is used for recycling, and that is why you have a baby brother!"
What did the blonde say when someone says, "Your baby is so cute?"
"For the last time, I don't want to sign up my child for Tindergarten just yet!"
I made an advent calendar for a Jehovah’s Witness.
Behind every door someone tells you to fuck off.
Why are Nepalese bad at chess?
Because someone already killed their king!
Sometimes I look at someone I hate and think, "I hope you get laid tonight."
By a tweaker with AIDS.
Someone said to me when it was winter it[’]s time for you to “chill out.” I was like 👁👄👁
Someone complimented me on my driving last week. They left a note saying, "Parking Fine!"
I'm bored. Someone wanna chat?
When someone says "Did I ask?" say "Then why did you respond?"
Mom: I'm going to the shop. If someone is at the door, don't open it.
Me: Ok.
*Ring*
Me: Opens the door.
Oh sh*t!
Mom: Gets flip flop.
When someone says you're an orphan, say, "At least I was wanted, unlike you!"
Why did the orphans go to the church?
Because they need someone to call "father."
Me: I finished a book with 100 pages.
Someone else: How was it?
Me: It's a long story.
If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.
Be grateful:
You're missing work today because in the past, someone cared enough to leave that banana peel on the stairs.
When the bully says, "You're adopted," so you hit him with, "At least someone wanted me!"
I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.
Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.
Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back.
Why was the orphan so successful? When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan? Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
What do you call someone with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
Sending gay men to prison makes no sense to me. I mean, you have sex with a man and then they lock you up with a bunch of other men.
That would be like arresting someone for drunk driving and forcing them to become a bartender.