Someone jokes

Me: I finished a book with 100 pages.

Someone else: How was it?

Me: It's a long story.

If you want to punch someone, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Yo mama so fat when someone asked her to touch her chin, she asked, "Which one?"

What do you call someone who makes a joke about Bread society?

The Doughker.

Chuck Norris strangled someone with a cordless phone.

What’s the only plus for someone who burns to death?

They get a discount at the crematorium.

If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?

Is someone who is tardy again actually "retardy"?

If someone calls you fat, just ignore them. You are bigger than that!

Someone told me I looked gay today. I told him that my clothes just came out of the closet this morning.

What do you call it when someone lies to Panera Bread?

Panera misled.

What do you call it when Panera Bread decapitates someone?

Panera Behead.

When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”

A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.

First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.

I suggested to my girlfriend that she would look sexier with her hair back.

Apparently, that’s insensitive to someone during chemo.

How is [someone] blessed with a 9 inch dick?

That priest is in jail now. Shout out to the church!

I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.

Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.

Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.

Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back.

Why was the orphan so successful? When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.

What’s the only advantage of being an orphan? Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.

What do you call someone with a rubber toe?

Roberto.

Sending gay men to prison makes no sense to me. I mean, you have sex with a man and then they lock you up with a bunch of other men.

That would be like arresting someone for drunk driving and forcing them to become a bartender.

Say this to someone who is fat that you don't like (make sure he's a virgin):

"You're so fat you can sell shaaade!! That's why you're a virgin and you masturbaaate!!! Yeah, I've see you, touching your 1 centimetre and if you have a gf she's is a cheater!!"

Make sure to say "shaaade" not "shade". And say "maturbaaate" (also try to say a D not a T in maturbaaate) not "masturbate".