Someone jokes

How do you make a body disappear?

You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!

P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.

Fineman, Einstein, and Schrodinger walked into a bar.

Fineman says, "It appears we're inside a joke."

Einstein says, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously."

To which Schrodinger says, "If someone's looking through the window, I'm leaving!"

Why do orphans love going to church?

So they can call someone "father."

When the bully says, "You're adopted," so you hit him with, "At least someone wanted me!"

At least someone who is gay/Carter has someone.

"When someone asks for a dad joke and you send them to the orphan page."

Why is Stephen Hawking not scared of anyone?

His wheelchair always backs him up.

Yep, if someone says to you, "I can't roast trash," say, "Well, some trash is used for recycling, and that is why you have a baby brother!"

If someone says nobody asked, you could say, "Well, nobody asked for you to talk!"

My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."

Someone complimented me on my driving last week. They left a note saying, "Parking Fine!"

I'm bored. Someone wanna chat?

When someone says "Did I ask?" say "Then why did you respond?"

Be grateful:

You're missing work today because in the past, someone cared enough to leave that banana peel on the stairs.

If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.

Why did the orphans go to the church?

Because they need someone to call "father."

When someone says you're an orphan, say, "At least I was wanted, unlike you!"

Mom: I'm going to the shop. If someone is at the door, don't open it.

Me: Ok.

*Ring*

Me: Opens the door.

Oh sh*t!

Mom: Gets flip flop.

Me: I finished a book with 100 pages.

Someone else: How was it?

Me: It's a long story.

Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.

I made sure it didn't outsmart me.