Society jokes

What screams I’m insecure?

Q. What do you call a Muslim basketball player?

A. Osama Bin Ballin'.

How can you tell if a man is straight? You don't have to, he will tell you.

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."

The blonde then taped the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

Alle kinder hedder Rune, undtagen Kurt, han hedder Rune.

All the kids are named Rune, except Kurt, he is named Rune.

A young couple gets banned from church.

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle-aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.

After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then he asks the middle-aged couple the same question, "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.

"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."

"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"

"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."

Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.

Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.

Who needs dating apps when you have family reunions?

I saw a little kid crying. I went up to him and asked where his parents were. I got fired from the orphanage.

What's the difference between an orphan and a Chinese kid?

The Chinese kid has a home.

I am an Indian joke.

What do you call someone who kisses primary school kids?

Joshua Metcalfe

I got kicked out of the school library for placing a women's rights book in the fiction section.

I'm the second worst thing to happen to those orphans.

What do you call disabled people that follow politics?

A special interest group.

What is the difference between climate change and the greenhouse effect, once a philosopher, twice a sodomite?

If you think about it, then adoption is the last choice for getting a child, so those who are adopted were the last choice.

What do sexists and WNBA fans have in common?

There's enough of them to acknowledge their existence.

I told an orphan there were 363 days in a year.

Why are orphans always famous?

Because they say, "Go big or go home," and orphans only have one option.