Sleep jokes
Your forehead's so big that you dream in 4k.
When is it bedtime in the Jacksons' house?
When the big hand 🖐 meets the little 🤚.
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
'Cause they don't got balls to scratch.
If I were a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party, and insomnia the little annoying sibling.
I told a diabetic girl to have sweet dreams...
she died the next morning.
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."
What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?
Breakfast in bed!
Why do shepherds never learn to count?
Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.
How do you make a child’s parents happy?
Put the child to sleep.
If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?
Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.
Gen Z is most likely going to be the last generation who felt the pain of getting up early to catch their favorite show.
The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife's coughin' (coffin...coughin'...get it?)
My ex died in an anchorage accident.
She always was a sleeping hooker.
Did you make your bed this morning? Wanna unmake it together?
What do you call a rapper who CAN’T GET OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING?
Snooze Dogg.
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
Why did the computer go to bed?
It needed to crash.
Yes, sir.
Four big guys and they grab on my thighs. Blow up my guts like the 4th of July. If they keep fuckin' my butt then I might just cry. Poop and semen sprayin' on my eyes.
He lick my dick and the cum start sprayin'. Charging up my dick I'ma go super saiyan. When he cum the fuckin' booty I don't do much playing. Then I whispered in his ear, like hey are you stayin'? He said yeah I'm not leavin'.
I guess he George Floyd, cause always leavin'. Not breathin' he chew on my dick like a baby. That's teathin' I'm fuckin' a nigga I think it's named Steven. Hawkin' f*ck him 'til he ain't walkin', dick stone-cold call him BBC. Austin It's a booty massacre when I visit him in Boston. Bought him new titties I don't care what they costin'.
Bitch, hop on the dick do a split. Shout out Lil Baby. My dick is as real as it gets, I'm not fuckin' on him if he don't have tits. I'm catchin' his balls like my name Kyle Bitz.
There's four Big guys, they're grabin' on my thighs. They blow my guts like the 4th of July. If he keep fuckin' my butt then I might cry. There's poop and semen sprayin' on my eyes.
Yes sir, that is a fact tho, take out my dick slip it in his asshole. Swinging my dick through the air like a lasso. Painted his face like Apollo Pocasso (ugh). But I'm not a very good artist, f*ck 'em all good 'til that. Nigga farted planted my seeds in his ass like a garden. The way I play with balls, you should call me James Harden.
Yeah, DigBar is elite, there's four big guys and I'm takin' their meat. I eat the boy's butt, Then I chase him with skeet. And I charge for booty, I promise DigBar Isn't cheap. And I count dudes when I sleep, not sheep, get up in my sheets. And I'm beatin' on my meat.
Bitch. We got four big guys and they grab on my thighs. And they gon' bust on my eyes.
Happy was a cute hippo.
Happy sleeps in the water.
Happy walks on land.
Happy runs on Savannahs.
Happy swims in mud.
Happy takes a bath.