Slap jokes

Before Marriage Boy: At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No, don't even think about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍

After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.

What is the female version of t-bagging? A clam slapping.

Yo mama so fat that Will Smith could slap her from a mile away.

I would never slap a woman, then I’d be destroying property.

Yo mama is such a slut, she could get slapped by a pack of hot dogs and get pregnant.

How did Michael Jackson challenge the victim's parents? "Then why won't you slap my face, because I'm bad?"

When I'm bored, I like to slap orphans. I mean, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Your butt's so big you can slap it and ride the waves.

My mother caught me jerking off and she told me to leave it out. I didn't know what she was doing but she grabbed my cock and started sucking. Then I found out on porn she was doing deep throat.

A couple of weeks later my dad caught me jerking off, I thought he would deep throat, but he just walked up to me and slapped my boner. I cried for 5 hours. Luckily my mum gave me a sloppy joe afterwards.

Me and my friend are walking, we see a kid. My friend asks him why he's crying and if he lost his parents. He said, "Yeah." I slapped my friend because we were at an orphanage.

I went up the temp girl and slapped her tests and said-

"I like ya cut, G."

I went to an emo kid who just got a haircut, and instead of saying, "Like your cut, G," I slapped his arm and said, "I like your cuts, G."

A guy asked me what I do for a living.

Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"

What’s the difference between a woman and a mosquito?

A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.

When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!

So I told an orphan to slap themselves until they are wanted. I came back the next day to see them slapping themselves. Then I stopped them and told them to punch themselves.

The next day I saw a dead orphan.

Donald Trump and the Pope were standing on a platform in front of a crowd of people. The Pope said to Donald Trump, “I can make everyone in this audience happy with one small swipe of my hand.”

Donald Trump replies, “That’s not possible. You’ll have to show me.” Then the Pope slaps him.

Mother, father, and a son. Father purchased a robot that can detect lies. The robot slaps when you lie.

During dinner time: Father: Son, what have you done today? Son: I watched Netflix, Dad. Robot: Stood up and slapped the son! Son: Okay! Okay! I watched porn, Dad. Dad: What? You watched porn? You are only 14! I never knew porn till I was 18 years of age. Robot: Stood up and slapped the Dad! Mother: Started to laugh and said "Sure he is your son!" Robot: Stood up and slapped the mother!

Hehe

It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom.

He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store."

But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH!" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19-year-old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?"

Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing."

Johnny says, "Oh. But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"

(Santa winks at you)

I would slap you, but that would be animal abuse.