Skill jokes
I don’t like making jokes about 9/11. My grandad died in it, he was the greatest pilot I ever knew.
My grandpa personally killed 3 German pilots. He was the worst mechanic Luftwaffe had.
Why is a pro fighter like a fisher?
They both can throw a hook.
After 40 years, Kobe finally learned to pass.
Why is the USA so bad at chess?
Because they already lost two towers.
Why is the eagle a bird with many skills? Because it’s talon-ted!
Why is Job good at Minecraft? Because he is noob, noob, noob, noob, noob. NOOB!
Me: I know how to use a microwave!
Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!
True story.
Suck all the bread!
Why are heterosexual women jealous of gay men?
because gay men can perform fellatio on men better than they can.
They told me I'd never be good at poetry.
But to date I have made 3 jugs and a vase, and they look lovely!
Why can’t orphans build computers?
They don’t know where to put the motherboard.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Why are frogs good at basketball?
Because they always make jump shots.
Why can’t I drive? 'Cuz my dad never showed me how, yet.
Why was Hellen Keller a bad driver? She was a woman.
Also, I have the same Birthday as her, so I have the pass.
Why are dolphins so smart?
Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!
Everyone is a gangster until Helen Keller hits a 3 on you.
Someone asked me if I've ever tried to kill myself. I responded, "Absolutely. A few times actually. I'm just not very good at it."