What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit suicide.
(YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)
Attended my boss's funeral to pay my respects. On my way out, I leaned over his casket and whispered lightly, "Well, look who's thinking outside the box now."
Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral?”
No? Shame, it was real fun.
If a mentally challenged person shows up late,
Is it ok to call him tardy?
I hate it when people say to suck it up... I mean, sometimes I don’t want someone’s dick in my face.
I’m in a wheelchair and I can do stand comedy, oh wait.....
Girl: Come over.
Orphan: I can’t.
Girl: My parents aren’t home ;)
Orphan: Just two things I don’t have.
What do you say after you throw an egg at someone? "Yolks on you!"
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing someone's cast.
What do orphans and broken up couples have in common?
They can't see each other anymore.
I got pranked so many times. Once I saw two wheels rolling down the street. I heard this noise. I looked behind me. There's a legless man in a wheelless chair screaming, "HELP! I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" but I walked away. I knew it was a prank.
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
Walk into the club like, "Wow, I got a big penis!"
*at school*
Nobody: Do you want nuts?
Me: Wait, you have some?
Nobody: Yeah, they're my own.
Me: :0
The pastor jumped at the chance to meet Ariana the other day.
He also grabbed, fondled, and fingered. Some might say he was milking the situation.
This is fucked up, my name is Shaylie.
I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby.
Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.
Mom: See that guy over there with no hands, tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I'm blind.
Mom: Exactly!
If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
I was just sitting down when all of a sudden she screamed, "Help!"
