Side jokes

Q. Why did Josh Duggar cross the road?

A. There was a daycare on the other side.

So my friend died. I was at her casket. I said I'll see you on the other side, so I went to the other side of the casket.

Why did the rock not risk going to the other side of the road?

It's a damn rock, mate. It's not gonna walk!

My gf told me I have to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.

What stands on the side of the road and needs a lot of money to buy?

Billboard, did you think I was gonna say street walker?

Your hairline can fit a truck without touching either side.

Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road?

To get to the dark side.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

TO GET TO THE OTHER SIIIIDE!!!

Why did the dog cross the road?

It didn't. Got hit by a car on the way to the other side.

The bright side of this pandemic is now both my hands look equally chapped and raw.

You're at a buffet, you think you're hungry for two, but misfortune happens when you think of yourself. You get stuck looking at sides in the buffet. A roly poly gal you see in the corner of your eye, eyeballing the main dishes in front at the end. You go in for the pickings, you get intercepted by a far more hungrier matter, but you find yourself getting slammed over the buffet table, and realize you are gasping for air, and she is tenderizing you for dinner.

A drunk guy is showing friends his new apartment.

The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.

"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.

"It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock."

"How does it work?"

The guy picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, "For God's sake, you asshole, it's 3:30 in the god damn morning!"

Health commercials be like:

Serious side effects can cause:

Nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, chills, fever, cancer, diabetes, AIDS, chlamydia, lupus, Ebola, polio, leprosy, pulmonary edema, heart attack, heart failure, yellow fever, but worst of all, DEATH!

Why did the orphan cross the road?

To die on the other side.

The teacher asked the class what they wanted to be when they grew up.

Johnny said when he grows up he's going to be a motherfucking hustler. He's going to have a wife and live in a big house in the country with maids and butlers and drive a Rolls-Royce, and he's also going to have an apartment in the city where his side bitch is going to live. He's going to buy her expensive jewelry, whatever she wants: cars, diamonds, clothes, shoes.

The teacher didn't know what to say, so she calls on Sally. "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Sally said, "I want to be Johnny's bitch."

A pornstar committed suicide; her coworkers must be taking it hard.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

The chicken.

Did you hear about the mad who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now.

Why did the Russian cross the road?

To get to the other side.

Why did the rapper cross the road?

To get to the other side of the TRACK.