Short jokes
Your mom is so old, she turned to dust before Thanos snapped.
How do you paint a wall red?
You shoot a baby with a .50 cal.
For 15 cents a day, you can feed an African child. They eat spare change, I guess.
Stephen Hawking walks into a b... nevermind.
Which country is next to the USA? USB.
Pope Francis: "What is the hardest thing about nailing a young boy to a cross?"
"My penis."
Say "toast" three times. Spell "toast" three times. What do you put in a toaster? The answer?
When you steal the weird pet rock, so he pulls out his pet Glock.
What is it called when a bull lies about other bulls?
Bullying.
Why can't atheists solve exponential equations?
Because they don't believe in higher powers.
A Muslim enters a building...
Along with 500 passengers and an airplane.
What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, he just WAVED.
Did you SEA what I did there?
GUY: Yes
Are you SHORE?
What does Hellen Keller call her dog?
"NAUSHFBUYGWF"
Why are history teachers always women? Because they like to bring up the past.
Hitler was a dic-tator.
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde girl?
One stops sucking when you smack it.
What's the opposite of Christopher Walken?
Christopher Reeve.
I was going to kill myself, but in the end, it doesn't even matter.
The greatest bond you will ever have is the one with your conjoined twin.
Why does Kurt Cobain hate his brother?
Because he's always calling shotgun.