Short jokes
Why aren't there any stray cats in Chinatown?
There are, but they're just listed as "pork" on the menus.
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?
Stop eating caterpillars.
A boy got a soccer ball and a bike for Christmas. Why is he sad?
He doesn’t have legs.
Where do you find white people on a bench?
- The NBA.
What did God say when he made Jake Paul?
"Oops, I made a mistake."
What kinds of apples grow on trees?
All of them.
Stephen Hawking tried comedy.
His first line ruined it. "You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand."
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
What did Thanos say when he snapped his finger? Another one bites the dust.
Everything is made in China, except babies... They are made in Vachina.
There are 50 dogs and 48 cats.
How many are hungry?
A. 10
How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If it sinks it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s boy-ant (buoyant).
This guy tried to kill me, and I asked, "What is this? Friday the Thirteenth?" Michael replied, "Nah, it's Halloween."
I was gonna tell a rumor about butter, but I don’t want to spread it.
Oofer.
"Bippidy boppidy boo! Bill Cosby is coming for you!"
Yo momma so stupid... weather man says it's chilly outside... instead of a jacket, she gets a bowl and spoon!
What do you call cheese that's not yours?
Nacho cheese!
Blood is red.
Bruises are blue. I forget the rest... um, I hate you...?