Short jokes
Why would hunting a bald eagle in America be a bad idea?
Because it's ill-eagle.
What's big, green, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree, it can kill you?
A pool table.
What's the difference between pussy and pizza... nothing because I'll eat them both.
Which one of Lord Arthur's knights invented the round table?
Sir Cumference.
gae
Why did Annie fall from the swing?
Because she had no hands.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not Annie.
Why aren't women taken seriously in the world? They are too busy whining about getting raped.
Q: What do American beer and canoes have in common?
A: Fu@king close to water!
If a king farts, is it a noble gas?
People are like trees...
They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.
The grapes in the supermarket are really raisin' the bars...
My Japanese friend told me a Pearl Harbor joke. I told him he bombed it.
I was up all night because my neighbors were having sex.
*I was actually up all night watching.*
What's fast and almost got away?
A Mexican jumping the border.
What do an abortion and a baby have in common?
The mom doesn't want either of them.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He drove too far away from the wall and got unplugged.
Actually, it isn't a bear joke, but bear with me here...
What's the difference between a baby and a mansion?
I've never seen the inside of a mansion.
There’s so many protests. Every time I see "my body, my choice," I can’t tell if we’re protesting the masks or trying to kill babies.
What is a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child’s body.