Short jokes
Yo momma so stupid... weather man says it's chilly outside... instead of a jacket, she gets a bowl and spoon!
There's a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking.
At least Stephen Hawking does something.
When the school lets you near children again...
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
People having seizures are just people dreaming about rollercoasters.
How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If it sinks it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s boy-ant (buoyant).
Everything is made in China, except babies... They are made in Vachina.
I was gonna tell a rumor about butter, but I don’t want to spread it.
Oofer.
"Bippidy boppidy boo! Bill Cosby is coming for you!"
There are 50 dogs and 48 cats.
How many are hungry?
A. 10
What did Thanos say when he snapped his finger? Another one bites the dust.
Ex-Boyfriend: You have no ass, so we're through!
Me: Stop being a dickhead, dude!! It ain't gonna make your little sausage any bigger!
Angel: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
Satan: Could you like FUCK OFF FOR ONE MINUTE?
What do a friend and a mouse have in common? They will both be angry if you throw bricks at them.
What did God say when he made Jake Paul?
"Oops, I made a mistake."
What kinds of apples grow on trees?
All of them.
Where do you find white people on a bench?
- The NBA.
"I asked my friend what his height is?" He answered, "I'm sans'sational!"
Why did the Royal Wedding get more publicity than the SantaFe school shooting?
'Cause Royal Weddings don't happen every week.