Short jokes
Sophia matched with a midget on Tinder.
Midget: Hey! What’s up?
Sophia: Well technically everything is, from your perspective!
How do you know it’s a gay guy’s birthday?
Depends how hard they blow out the candles.
Why are people in Japan so thin?
Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.
There is an Afghan Barbie; it’s a blow-up doll.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when I push my autistic brother down the stairs.
Why is Hitler better than Biden?
Because Hitler gave his people gas for free.
A photon is checking into a hotel.
The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?"
The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."
Why do people hate abortion jokes?
It leaves you with an empty feeling inside.
Your ma is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.
After an intense workout, I finally have the body I've always dreamed of.
It's in my basement.
Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
Who led the Israelites through the semipermeable membrane?
Osmoses.
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
What is a pedophile's favorite age range?
9-11.
What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?
I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because KFC was offering free seeds.