Short jokes
Sophia matched with a midget on Tinder.
Midget: Hey! What’s up?
Sophia: Well technically everything is, from your perspective!
How do you know it’s a gay guy’s birthday?
Depends how hard they blow out the candles.
What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?
I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!
Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."
I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.
Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.
I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...
... the first two being politics and religion.
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?
They’re both in my bed.
"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when I push my autistic brother down the stairs.
Why is Hitler better than Biden?
Because Hitler gave his people gas for free.
A photon is checking into a hotel.
The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?"
The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."
Why do people hate abortion jokes?
It leaves you with an empty feeling inside.
It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.