Short jokes
Never break someone’s heart, they only have one.
Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.
That one awkward moment you have to go ask your Chinese neighbor if they've seen your dog.
What kind of dogs do miners like best?
Golden retrievers, haha, get it?
What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?
They're both "sweet home Alabama."
How can you get free butt plants? Just get your man to fill your butt with natural juices.
"hvhuhdsjcjdsijdskdsivhdsvhsjdvnsjdvdshvgdshgsdhfgh" That's what my friend said when he gave an EpiPen. I don't know why, though.
What's an emo's favorite game? Fruit Ninja.
Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy? He died of a yeast infection.
You're so short, Aiden looked tall.
What is more fun than spinning a clown around on a clothes line at 100 miles an hour?
Stopping it with a pitchfork.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
My sister's name is Coco, and one day she was funny, so I told her, "You coconut."
What time do you think dogs are not happy?
Bulldogs.
Why can't I touch little old women, but nursing home nurses can?
I am a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable.
Why did the man say chickens were lucky?
Because they get killed and eaten.
A man gets kicked out of police camp after writing "Who's that Pokémon?" next to all of the chalk outlines.
What is the sweat between Dolly Parton's boobs?
Mountain Dew.
Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.