Short jokes

What starts with M and ends with arriage?

Miscarriage. Now we all know that joke never gets old, and you know what?

Neither does the child.

Yes, I'm CUTE.

C-ringe U-gly T-errible E-mpty.

My mom told me it's not healthy to stay in my room all day... but the only places I'm allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.

Q: Why can't science be combined with religion?

A: 'Cause science creates skyscrapers and planes, while religion combines them.

If you jump off a bridge while crying, it's suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming "parkour," it's a failed stunt.

Wanna hear somethin' ironic?

When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can't stop cutting.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom... Until they are flashing behind you!

One time, I broke up with my Roblox girlfriend by sending her a message. Thirty seconds later, I heard my uncle crying in the next room.

What do cannibals eat to freshen their breath?

Men toes.

Why did the chicken commit suicide?

To get to the other side.

Like this post to give someone you hate bad luck.

The last thing I told my ex after we broke up was, "At least we're still cousins!" 😂

I wanted to make a belt out of watches, then I realized it was a waste of time!

I did a bungee jump for charity recently. It was called "spastics on elastics."

I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to join my family tree... She dropped the rope and ran.

Why are Republicans supporting giving felons the right to vote?

Because their own personal jeebus is a felon!

Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."

You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire today.

Now they call him Hot Wheels.

My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette. Blew his mind.