Short jokes

Are you a rope? Because I wanna hang with you.

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.

Roses are red, my blood is too. I see a lot when I lost you.

We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!

Roses are red, violets are blue. If you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.

I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.

A man walked into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian responds with, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back!"

Who needs April Fools?

When your whole life is a joke?

Covid 19 stopped mass shootings faster than the Government.

So, my parents were telling me about this dark joke they made 17 years ago, but they didn't actually tell me the joke.

What's the difference between a maze and a depressed life? One of them you can find a way out of.

I got kicked out of the hospital because I told all the COVID-19 patients to stay positive.

What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?

They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"

They say people are 75% water.

But I'm 100% useless.

what happens when the president turns emo?

the great depression.

If you say to someone, "Have a nice day!" it will make them happy. If you say, "Enjoy the next 24 hours," they'll be terrified.

When your crush walks in class but you're homeschooled...

Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got to see either of them, and they are now extinct.

Never invest in funerals. It's a dying industry.

A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.