Short jokes
My sister asked me what is dark humor. I asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? "Kinder Surprise!"
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.
What's a rabbit's favorite song?
Hip hop.
My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either since 2005.
Why do the Japanese hate Christmas?
Because the last time a Fat Man came down the chimney, they lost half their population.
There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.
Hey, can't wait to meet you! So join the crippling depression family!!
How did they know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment...
What’s ten feet long and bald?
The conga line in the cancer ward.
All these jokes are so offensive, Mr. Hawking just won’t stand for it.
Now that Stephen Hawking is dead, the jokes will start to roll in just like he used to.
Girlfriend: Am I pretty or ugly?
Boyfriend: You're both!
Girlfriend: What do you mean by that?
Boyfriend: You're pretty ugly!!!
People judge me because I'm quiet.
No one plans a massacre out loud.
I really hate waiting to die... It's taking a lifetime.
Why did 10 die? -- He was in the middle of 9/11.
Getting murdered by someone is probably the most intimate experience I'll ever have.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it.
There is an upside to being an orphan. Every bag of chips is family size.
What do suicidal people do in their spare time?
Hang out.
My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy."
- One of the thousands of missing children.