What is the second hardest thing in the morning?
Getting up.
Girl: how much do you love me Me: count the stars in the sky Girl awww it’s infinite Me no just a waste of time
I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home there were signs everywhere
Donald: If I lose this election, I will leave the country.
Joe: Bi den
-"You wanna play the rape game?" -"No" -"That's the spirit!"
I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.
Person 1: stop making suicidal jokes!? Person 2: okay okay, I’ll cut it out. Person 1: really? Person 2: their not even that deep.
At my funeral, take the bouquet off the coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who's next
What do you call a happy child swinging with her friends at recess?
Not Sally.
Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number.
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.
It was soda-pressing.
Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.
Did you hear about the monkeys that share a amazon account?They where prime mates
what do get when you cross a road with a stalker?
Raped
Sans: wow. seems you’re really working yourself... down to the bone!
Q: Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?
A: So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!
Me: Man I wish my clothes were emo. Friend:Why? Me:so they would hang themselves
What do the movies The 6th Sense and Titanic have in common? Icy dead people
My sisters name is coco and one day she was funny so I told her you
Coconut
Its all shits and giggles till somebody giggles and shits.
