Short jokes
What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?
With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.
How many babies do you need to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself ;)
I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.
What did the white kid pull out of his bookbag?
A 9mm.
What happens when a computer thinks it knows better than a human?
Ask Boeing.
What does a depressed person and a fashion enthusiast have in common?
They both have something hanging in their closet.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
Proof that 9/11 isn't a government plot.
It worked.
1 minute silence for those who still think thoughts can't kill you.
You know what flowers and depressed people have in common?
Both end up getting cut.
What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?
Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.
What do orphans call their parents?
Unicorns because they don’t exist.
On 9/11, the Twin Towers ordered 3 pepperoni pizzas. One came in plain, the other came in late, the third went to the wrong address.
What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.
What is a dead kid's favorite anime? Bleach.
Sally threw herself a birthday party, and only one person showed up. Who is it?
The grim reaper.
What is long, brown, and cures depression?
A noose.
Where is the cheapest gun range? Your local public school.
Is it bad to hit an orphan?
It's not like they'll tell their parents.