Short jokes
Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?
Museum girl: Committing suicide.
Allan: What about Friday night?
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie...
no one could tell that it was their blood.
What do you call a kid with cancer walking through the airport?
•Terminal
Society: :-)
I: :')
Society: you're doing it WRONG. It's :-) not :')
I: :'D
What's the worst thing to star in?
An amber alert.
I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated.
Welcome back to the hide and seek world championship! Osama Bin Laden vs. Anne Frank!
What is a suicide pack's favorite song?...
Let the bodies hit the floor.
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note... it's a start...
My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...
"Lazy."
What movie does an orphan want for Christmas? "Spiderman: Homecoming";)
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
English is weird. It can be understood through tough, thorough thought, though.
Why did God invent yeast infections? So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt too.
What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?
School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.
When you go to an orphanage for a field trip: When the workers said, "I remember you as a kid."
Why do I only date orphans?
Because they never have daddy issues.
What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident?
An amputation.
Me: Wanna play 9/11?
Friend: What's that?
Me: It's a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.