Short jokes
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?
Someone: Ugly?
Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.
The twin towers are just like my mom and dad, they went to work and never came back.
What has two legs and is red all over?
Half a cat.
A short person should never piss off a fat person taller than them. The fat person just has to lean slightly, and it's 9/11 all over again.
What's red, small, wet, and crawls up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
What songs do people with no arms listen to?
None, 'cause they can’t press play.
Q: What's the difference between me and cancer?
A: My dad didn't beat cancer...
Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning? He ate 12-year-old nuts and a 13-year-old wiener.
I wouldn't call a Suicide Help-line even if my life depended on it.
It's muffi time, 'cause I wanna die, die, die.
What do you call a heterosexual man performing fellatio on another heterosexual man?
Bisexual.
These are all really nice jokes, but here is one.
Boy: Spell ME.
Girl: M-E.
Boy: You forgot the D.
Girl: There is no D in ME.
Boy: Not yet.
Q: Why can orphans swim?
A: They have or-fins.
What did the woman do when the armed police officer raped her?
Freeze.
What do you call 2 spies fucking?
Undercover.
What do you call 2 homeless people throwing rocks at each other? "Pillow Fight!"
Don’t cry when you attend my funeral, I was dead long ago so why cry now?
What's an orphan's favorite game?
GTA, because they're actually wanted? Lol.
What is a paedophile's favorite thing about Halloween?
Free delivery XD