Short jokes
What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?
A stab wound.
Bend over and spell run.
Why aren't orphans good at Monopoly?
They don't know what a house is.
Yeah, I'm made out of DNA.
✨ Depression and anxiety ✨
Where in hell is Lee Harvey Oswald now when we need him?
Q: Do you know why people don't like abortion jokes?
A: Because they leave people with a feeling of emptiness inside.
A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?
On the COWch (couch).
9/11... 911... COINCIDENCE I THINK NOT!
What do you do when life gives you lemons? Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist. 🙂💊💉
What flour do orphans use when baking? Self-Raising (Rising).
An orphan made an Instagram. He did not know what that symbol was on the bottom left hand corner.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Why are orphans so skinny?
They never eat anything that is family size.
What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?
Someone: Ugly?
Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.
Why did the orphan become a killer?
Because he knew they would not look for him.
What has two legs and is red all over?
Half a cat.
Those poor kids at Sandy Hook, all they wanted was books. Instead, they got magazines.
What's red, small, wet, and crawls up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
What songs do people with no arms listen to?
None, 'cause they can’t press play.
Q: What's the difference between me and cancer?
A: My dad didn't beat cancer...