Short jokes

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?

Their last big hit was the wall.

What do Catholic priests and JCPenny's have in common?

Little boys' pants half off.

Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?

He forgot to wrap his Whopper.

Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.

-JFK

Let's make a joke on how depressing Monday is to ignore how depressing everyday is.

What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?

Showing them the ropes.

So there's an orphan in a hospital, and the doctor walks up and says, "Sorry, kid, but this is a family hospital."

A girl and a dog were dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog.

If I were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?

A Mexican was doing a magic trick. He said, "uno, dos," then disappeared without a trace.

I've looked everywhere... I just can't seem to find where I left my will to live.

Knock knock. Who's there? Not your parents.

All my jokes are cries for help.

INCLUDING THIS ONE.

Why can't depressed people leave the maze?

Because their lives are the walls and they are too scared to meet the exit.

My dad is like my depression, you need a suicide letter to find him.

What's a similarity between a cliff hanger and nooses?

They both leave you hanging.

Murder is the same as suicide, except the other person is doing it for you.

Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.

What's it called if you give a kid in a wheelchair a ball? Rocket League.