Short jokes
A depressed boy went to high five a tree, guess what the tree did?
The tree left him hanging.
An emo girl walks up to a tree to give it a high five... the tree left her hanging.
9/11 victims are the best readers.
They went through hundreds of stories in a few seconds.
What does my head and hell have in common?
They both have demons in them.
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad role model? -- He doesn't stand for anything.
What did Chris Brown say when he saw Rihanna?
"I'd hit that."
What is a pedophile's favorite dating site?
Kinder
What's worse than locking your keys in the car in front of an abortion clinic?
Having to go back inside and ask to borrow a hanger.
I got my son a trampoline for his birthday.
The ungrateful boy sat in his wheelchair the whole time.
What’s Bin Laden’s favorite drink? Double Manhattan.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Depression medicine and therapy.
GO AWAY!
Best way to stop a fight between deaf people?
Just turn off the lights.
They say masturbation is better with a dead arm. Apparently, I ruined that funeral.
What is Jesus's favorite exercise?
Cross Fit.
What is Stephen Hawking's least favorite movie?
Standing Tall.
Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.
Error code 404. "Will to live" not found.
Smileandtalk.exe has stopped working.
What's the best thing about 28 year olds?
- There's 20 of them.
I hate myself.
Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.