Short jokes
What's worse than locking your keys in the car in front of an abortion clinic?
Having to go back inside and ask to borrow a hanger.
I got my son a trampoline for his birthday.
The ungrateful boy sat in his wheelchair the whole time.
What’s Bin Laden’s favorite drink? Double Manhattan.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Depression medicine and therapy.
GO AWAY!
Best way to stop a fight between deaf people?
Just turn off the lights.
They say masturbation is better with a dead arm. Apparently, I ruined that funeral.
What is Jesus's favorite exercise?
Cross Fit.
What is Stephen Hawking's least favorite movie?
Standing Tall.
Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.
Error code 404. "Will to live" not found.
Smileandtalk.exe has stopped working.
What's the best thing about 28 year olds?
- There's 20 of them.
I hate myself.
Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
What did the suicidal leprechaun say?
"Irish I was dead."
What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? One cuts them off and one sucks them off.
Yo mama so stupid she threw a Mother's Day party at an orphanage.
Friends are like penguins.
If you stab a penguin, they die.
What's the difference between drugs and kids?
I don't sell drugs.
What’s a cannibal's favorite takeaway shop?
The orphanage.