Short jokes
Your mum is so fat, she gets hit by a parked car!
Dad: 🦆
Kid: ?
Dad: 🦆🦆
Kid: Huh?
Dad: Ur too late...
Kid: WHAT!
Dad: .... GOOSE!
Are you a lightbulb, cuz you brighten up my day?
Tiresome is the quantification of tire.
What can you tell [is] the difference between Stephen Hawking and a carrot?
Nothing.
Yeah, not too bad at all, really.
What do Chinese people order: noodles in bed with some fried cat?
The reason why Steven H. died was that someone poisoned his chocolate mousse.
We were at a restaurant today, and my dad was talking about a place called Sea Ranch.
I asked, "What do they raise there? Sea horses?"
One apple a day keeps the doctor away; not logging onto servers using management or service accounts keeps SecOps people away.
What do you call a grey, fat, and very old unicorn?
A rhino.
A blind person walks into a bar.
Because they can’t see where they are going.
Did you hear about the cannibal that came home late?
His wife gave him the cold shoulder.
What do you call a baby that came out of their mother's womb? A virgin.
What was the movie about the dog called?
The woof of Wall Street.
Why do you go to the bank?
To get money.
When do you run from the bank?
When the cops come.
What do you call an amazing goat?
A goat-zing.
I was going to walk to Verizon, but I decided to Sprint over to T-Mobile instead.
The other day I lost all my crayons.
I just wish I had a shoulder to cray on.
What's between a wife and a husband?
A divorce.