Short jokes
What do you think of your mom? I can do it.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fishes.
Fishes who?
Fishes the police, come out with your hands up!
Why did the number 10 make friends with 0? Because you have $100 dollars.
Why did the clown not attack Mike? Because they bouncee.
Two friends wanting to find out if their buddy was gay.
The two walked up to their buddy and said, "Get down!" and he kneeled down.
The waiter asked me, "How would you like your steak?"
I replied, "As soon as possible!"
I never feel offended if my friends don't wish me a happy birthday.
Because that's what I want.
I'm just happy no idiots are calling these people fat-phobic.
Which mineral is so impolite?
IRONic.
What did the beaver say when it hit the wall?
Dam!
I knead bread.
What do you call a fish with no legs?
Fsh have no legs.
What do you do with legs?
Fsh have no legs.
What do you do with legs?
Break!
Stormtrooper: My lord, what should we do with all this beef?
Palpatine: Stew it.
Imperial Pilot: What do you think about the new Tie fighter?
Palpatine: Flew it.
When people mean "phat feast," they don't mean fat.
When yo mumma says "phat," she means FAT but thinks she's cool!
What goes in soft and comes out hard?
Gum, you whore!
My wife told me to give her 8 inches, so I had to have sex with her 4 times and punch her in the nose.
Why were parts of the Soviet Union that had more industry than agriculture occupied during WW2?
They couldn't beet the Nazis.
I'm supposed to put a joke here.
But I can't find a mirror...can you find one yourself?
I'm sure you'll laugh.
Why didn't the bitch ass skeleton fly?
'Cause me mum flew all the way and Trevor is a boofahead.