Short jokes
How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.
How can you tell if a pig is hot? It's bacon.
Why did the computer catch cold?
It left a window open.
What did the earthquake say when it was done? Sorry, my fault!
Why did the computer go to bed?
It needed to crash.
What do you give the dentist of the year? A little plaque.
How can you tell when a comic passes gas? Something smells funny.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
What do pigs use to clean up? Hogwash.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
Summer wasn't too bad either.
What is 9+9? 18.
What is 9+10? 19.
What is 9+11? -2996.
Inflation is so bad, McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
What’s the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
Where do fruits go on vacation?
"Pear-is!"
"What did the zero say to the eight?"
"That belt looks good on you!"
Why can’t the disabled kid live on the corner?
Because he’s disabled.
Yo mama so old her Bible was autographed by Jesus.
You're shorter than a thumbtack, like, boy, your auntie is probably taller than you.
What if Hitler did not say "bombs away," he said "lambs are slayed?"
How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus?
Tentacles!