Short jokes
Why did the failed abortion climb up the woman’s leg?
It was homesick.
How did the guy greet his wife?
"Howdy, sister!"
A man tried to attack me with milk and cheese—how dairy!
Why did the chef flip a pancake? Because he was a tosser.
"Nahtzee"
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He lost WiFi connection.
What do you say to toast with bad shoes?
"Butter those."
Look at your left hand, now look at your right hand, and tell yourself, "Which hand do you cheat with?"
Wanking.
What's the difference between leafmen and leafwomen? Palm trees.
I call my girlfriend .05 because she's a bag I blow into when I've had a few drinks.
Where did Stephen Hawking go when he wanted to get drunk? The Genius Bar.
No one. Beyoncé said "To the left, to the left!" She really meant women have no rights.
Why do cannibals not like to eat clowns?
Cause they taste funny!
Would you like a piece of Africa?
Would you like to know why? Because it's a dessert/desert.
What time is it when dogs are an appointment? Time to scream!
Octopussy.
What did the Indian person say to the lady?
"Curry up, will you?"
What's God's favorite Michael Jackson song? The Earth Song. 😍😍😍
Last night I had a dream of lead, but your mom won't let me tell you.
Ever wonder why pride month is so hot?
It's just a free trial of what's to come for the celebrators...