Short jokes
Why can’t the disabled kid live on the corner?
Because he’s disabled.
"Ouch!"
"What's wrong?"
"I stepped on a screw."
"Are you ok?"
"I'm in ex-screw-ciating (excruciating) pain!"
Your hair goes so far back in time, even cavemen saw it!
Gays: I like men.
Straight: I like women.
Bisexual: A hole is a hole.
Yo mama so old her Bible was autographed by Jesus.
Your hairline goes so far back that the History Channel made a show about it.
What if Hitler did not say "bombs away," he said "lambs are slayed?"
What is the difference between Chinese and Japanese?
Some smile, others beam.
Stephen Hawking never used a condom. He used a firewall.
What's the difference between a car and a car?
I have absolutely no idea, sorry.
Why did the terrorists crash?
They were doing the job they loved but not getting paid.
Lol.
I'm going to destroy your momma's [vulgar term] just like I destroyed that Tastykake.
assssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Adopting a kid is like having a yard sale! I mean, if the owners don't want it anymore, what makes you think I want it?
What do people use more than you that is yours?
What can you catch, but not throw?
Math riddle: If I have 12 bottles of wine in one hand, and 9 in the other, what do I have?
What has 182 teeth and holds back a monster?
My zipper.
If a pirate was a pervert, he would say, “Are you ready, kid?”
What happens when the Twin Towers breathe? They collapse like an orphan with stage 4 cystic fibrosis who lives in the streets of Africa.