Short jokes
What’s worse than getting a job at McDonald’s?
Not getting the job at McDonald’s.
I dated a girl, and I didn’t know she was previously in an abusive relationship.
I thought she just REALLY hated high-fives.
What’s the difference between a fetus and a jar of pickles?
The pickles aren’t as tasty in a jar.
My father always used to say:
"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."
Until the accident.
Wait, that's me.
Your hair goes so far back in time, even cavemen saw it!
Gays: I like men.
Straight: I like women.
Bisexual: A hole is a hole.
You're shorter than a thumbtack, like, boy, your auntie is probably taller than you.
"Pray to God her inside her head. I'm scared of God."
I would like to make a Minecraft joke...
It would be too plain.
I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.
Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushion.
What’s the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
"What did the zero say to the eight?"
"That belt looks good on you!"
Where do fruits go on vacation?
"Pear-is!"
What’s an autistic person's favorite movie:
A Quiet Place?
My pp was in the Guinness World Record book.
The librarian then asked me to take it out.
Why can’t the disabled kid live on the corner?
Because he’s disabled.
"Ouch!"
"What's wrong?"
"I stepped on a screw."
"Are you ok?"
"I'm in ex-screw-ciating (excruciating) pain!"
Why should you fear white people in prison instead of the blacks?
Because you know that whites are in for actually committing something.