Short jokes
Where do leg amputees go to buy a car?
IHOP
What is the skeleton's favorite car?
A Zam-bone-y.
What do you call Nicholas and Dillon/Dennis?
GAY
Stephen Hawking will be greatly missed for the time he walked this Earth.
What type of apple grows on a tree?
All of them.
I had a dream about a car, and I woke up exhausted.
What kind of punch hurts a kid the most?
A sandy hook.
What are the similarities between an American teen and an old Muslim man?
They both choose who they want.
I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a "fret."
Why can’t Stephen Hawking go to Heaven?
Because there wasn’t a ramp.
Why was Stephen Hawking good at football? Because he is a pro dribbler.
What kind of containers does the Pope keep his vegetables in?
Vat-I-cans!
Are you beef?
Because you're Carlos-Asada.
Hey, cobalt can't. But tin can ;)
How does a butcher keep his tent up in the wind? Steaks.
Applesauce.
Jasper likes little girls and Bin Laden.
A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"
Yo mama so ugly, she had to ask Satan to help her give birth!
What did the guy with no teeth say to a blind guy... How many fingers am I holding up?