Short jokes
What did the orphan say to the adopter?
Nothing, he just stared.
How does an emo greet people?
“What’s down?”
What do you call someone with a big butt?
The Thightanic!
What is half of nine?
"ni"
What's black and grey and red all over?
A dead r******.
A peanut and another peanut walk into a bar.
One was a salted peanut.
One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!
Monster: “I will devour your family.”
Orphan: “Oh.”
What did the fox say to the fire?
You look hot!
I asked a kid where their parents were...
Lol
What do you call it when Red Sox can't pull out?
Boston cream pie.
What plate do you need to eat in a car? A license plate!
My dad seen RuPaul's Drag Race?
Asked when will they do up the cars!
My mom once told me to spread positivity across the world, so I did.
I spread Covid across the globe because I tested positive :D
Why did the rock not risk going to the other side of the road?
It's a damn rock, mate. It's not gonna walk!
If I had two nickels every time PETA parodied a game, I'd have 14.
You are like a thunderstorm; when you go away, like your dad, everyone is happy.
You're so fat, every time you go in the elevator, it goes down.
*Shotguns in a nutshell*
2B: MUST.
4B: ADD.
6B: MORE.
12B: *B A R R E L S*
*And that's how multi-barrel shotguns were made.*
Me: Where's your mom?
Kid: [cries]
Me: [leaving from the adoption center]