Short jokes
When a 68 year old teacher says: "I am going to tackle an intruder if I have to!"
Me: "Oh hell nah"
What do you call a lion as a baby?
Cocota
What do you call a man in love with an emo?
I really don't know.
Your hairline is so bad people thought you were Vegeta!
Mine never stops.
I saw your license. It said you're 15.
I checked your face. It says you're 50.
I thought you were just raising your eyebrow, but I checked the x-ray, and your skull shifted 128 degrees to the right.
What are 8 people hiding in a corner because they're scared?
An octopus.
How have you been recently?
Oh, just playing some Rhydon.
What’s Rhydon?
Rhydon deez nutz!
Your forehead is sooo big, NASA thought it was Mars!
Abigail Brynn Welch is not funny.
What is this anyway?
Oh dear, I made a backwards ray. Let's test it. I made a backwards ray, let's test it oh.
What do you call a movie about an orphan?
The Bat Man.
Let's rock and roll!
"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"
What’s Stephen Hawking’s favorite food?
His left shoulder.
lolo.
Why did the bounty hunter not cash in an orphan?
He was not worth keeping.
Dad: Honey!
Mom: What?
Dad: All of the broken condoms are on the bed.
Mom: WHAT!?
Children: *staring*