Short jokes
How does a rapper make tea?
He drops some HOT BARS into a cup.
What do you call a rapper who's ALWAYS on time?
Punctual P
Chuck Norris doesn't breathe. He holds air hostage.
I took my friend skydiving once, and he jumped out of the plane without a parachute. Then I remembered he was emo.
I just had sex...
I think I nailed it!
(Shit joke, I know.)
My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.
I met a drum circle once, they were a huge hit!
You are.
Did you hear about the new doggy condos?
Apparently they are now releasing!
Why was Goofy in the bathroom?
He was goofing off!
People generalize others too much.
How do you turn your dog into a watchdog?
Get it a Rolex!
If the shoe doesn't fit, there's no evidence.
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Why are monkeys funny? Because they look weird.
Vital information: if you find a stray dog in an alleyway, don't stare at its eyes.
Which room is the safest place in the house?
The living room.
Kid: How much do you get paid?
Teacher: Minimum wage.
How do you get 50 babies into a car?
You blend them.
Why is the elephant headed God the true God?
Because he doesn't exist!