Short jokes
I saw your license. It said you're 15.
I checked your face. It says you're 50.
Your skin's so bright you could be used as a highlighter.
Niall Devine, clown.
Yo mama so fat, when she got ran over, the van did a 360 flip to Mars!
Roberto: Judd, your DNA looks like the infinite symbol.
Judd: Roberto, your DNA looks like a pasta noodle.
1: Hey.
2: What?
1: We're outta paint.
2: *HMM*
(And that's how stop signs have extra paint.)
Speak to your dad before I put my hand up your ass!
Why did the ducks go to jail?
They sold quack.
Let's rock and roll!
What’s Stephen Hawking’s favorite food?
His left shoulder.
lolo.
Me: What do you want to do for your birthday?
Fiancé: I want to go somewhere I've never been before!
Me: Well welcome to the Kitchen!
Dad: Honey!
Mom: What?
Dad: All of the broken condoms are on the bed.
Mom: WHAT!?
Children: *staring*
What do you call a dipshit?
A Charlie.
What happens if a boy bumps into a dog?
It’s a bumper team.
What's the difference between a God and my mom?
My mom exists. I mean... she did at one point! Unlike any "Gods."
I went to take out the trash, could not find you, so I went back in. The next day I found you.
When you wear a big hat and your butt starts to splat diarrhea!
Peter: Curses!
Jacob: Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Peter: *Crying*
Jacob: Why are you crying?
Jacob: Whatever. *Leaves orphanage*
What do you call a house with no one living inside?
An orphan house.