Short jokes
What does a pirate say to the president?? Spread your legs so I can get my treasure back.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Johnny.
Johnny who?
Johnny want yo' mommy.
You're so ugly and fat, and you're so lazy you can't even get your ass up and walk.
You look at it. You tug on it like a shoe string. You play with it like elastic bubble plastic, but it still never grows.
What is an orphan's least liked meal? Family dinner.
When I said I wanted vegetable stew, I didn’t mean boil Stephen Hawking!
My job is so amazing.
Today a man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over. His balance isn't good.
Why do orphans hate any milk?
Their dad did not come back for 10 years. Oh, sorry, he got lost in the store! 🤧
What does a student always get on an alphabet test?
A!
What do you call a man shopping? A half-grown carton of cheese.
I told my Mum, "Will you remember me in 6 minutes, 6 hours, 6 years?"
She said, "Yes."
"Knock knock."
I said, "My mum, who's there? You didn’t remember me!"
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house?
No? Neither did he.
Imagine being named Colby and you burn yourself.
Mushroom.
Oh, you're jealous now.
My friend told me she had a good joke and it beat all mine. I said, "Haha, that is funny!"
Jig, Jill, Bill ate a pill.
Did you hear about the song Rihanna wrote about the tin can?
It was called "S & N."
I called my dog 5 miles.
Today, I fawn over my miles.
I smell up dog in here.
"What's up, dog?"
Nothing much, how about you?