Short jokes
How did the toilet react when it received a gift?
That was so pot full (thoughtful)!
What did the female dog say to the mirror?
Hi, bitch!
I needed to take a phone call, so I went to the nearest exit. I guess you can say it was very exciting! 😂
The other day someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.
What did the flag say to the pole?
Nothing, he just waved.
Ah, what's that on your face? Oh, I forgot, that is your ass. It's so ugly, you stupid-looking bitch!
Kid: "THERE'S A SHOOTER IN THE BUILDING!"
Shooter: "Oops."
How many times can you subtract ten from one thousand?
One; after that you're subtracting ten from 990.
I go beep like a Jeep.
What did the human say to the fly when it was buzzing around the human's head?
"Would you stop bugging me!"
Why do orphans look at a house for so long?
'Cause they never had one.
Take a water bottle, shake it, you got piss.
What is the best way to make a leaf?
Go down, back around, and stir up a tree. Make it spin, watch again. Oven baking, ding, we're done!
So, I was in school, and there was a number saying "696969," so I said to my mother, "What does it mean?" She said, "Your fucking dad and I!"
John Wilkes Booth, to his fiancee: "I have an important role to play tonight at Ford's Theater."
Fiancee: "Break a leg!"
2, 4, 6, 8, you're staying up too late.
2, 4, 6, 8, all I do is master bait.
What did Helen Keller say when she jumped off a bridge? "(sign language)"
61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69... mouthwash.
Yeestt?
My mom told me to look for a bill in her file at her home office. Instead, I grabbed my sister's adoption papers.