Short jokes

So I got my brother a jumping castle for his birthday. That bitch cried in his wheelchair.

Are you a horse, because I want to ride you?

What day are twins born the most?

Toos-day.

I don't care if I got beat the first day you were born. Your momma asked for a receipt!

Why is there a 76 button on a bottle of ketchup?

To bring sweet luck.

Some marriages can make short people look like Shaquille O'Neal.

I scored.

I remember I met an orphan. He asked, "Can I suck your thumb?" I said, "Why?" Because "that'd be pig."

"Yol, what do you think about sex?"

"Good."

Kid: "THERE'S A SHOOTER IN THE BUILDING!"

Shooter: "Oops."

How many times can you subtract ten from one thousand?

One; after that you're subtracting ten from 990.

I love orphans. They're precious.

Take a water bottle, shake it, you got piss.

What is the best way to make a leaf?

Go down, back around, and stir up a tree. Make it spin, watch again. Oven baking, ding, we're done!

So, I was in school, and there was a number saying "696969," so I said to my mother, "What does it mean?" She said, "Your fucking dad and I!"

John Wilkes Booth, to his fiancee: "I have an important role to play tonight at Ford's Theater."

Fiancee: "Break a leg!"

2, 4, 6, 8, you're staying up too late.

2, 4, 6, 8, all I do is master bait.

What did Helen Keller say when she jumped off a bridge? "(sign language)"

61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69... mouthwash.

Yeestt?