Short jokes
What do you call a fat downie?
A couch potato.
I read a sign. What it meant to say is, "You matter, don't give up." What I read was, "You don't matter, give up."
Anne Frank: This one time at camp, someone had too much gas.
What does a "Smart Russian" and a "Unicorn" have in common?
Answer: Non-existence!
Q: What do you call a girl walking down a street?
A: Lost, she's supposed to be in the kitchen.
Wife: Honey, I’m pregnant. Husband: Hi Pregnant, I’m dad. Wife: No, you’re not.
Why did the man get run over?
Ur mom XD
Your mama is so fat that when she ate a burger, she liked it.
Once I threw the ball at a wheelchair kid. Now we are playing Rocket League! :D
You're so poor that homeless people feel sorry for you.
Aitana is so fat that Thanos had to clap for her to disappear.
Your mom said my cum tastes like Captain Crunch, bitch.
You're so fake, Barbie was jealous of you!
I tried to search stuff about 9/11 for a research project, but it didn’t work... I guess the site crashed.
What did Osama Bin Laden's kids not inherit after his death?
His hide-and-seek skills.
"2001 just called and they want their towers back."
Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"
Student: "A drinking problem."
Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
College is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you, or they'll send your kid back.
My wife is so fat. After sex, I rolled over twice. I was still on top of the bitch!