Short jokes
Mama Mia's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is our sauce.
Where did Sally go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
Never break someone’s heart, they only have one.
Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
- Carlos.
What is Mozart doing right now? -- Decomposing.
I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset.
A man gets kicked out of police camp after writing "Who's that Pokémon?" next to all of the chalk outlines.
Ever heard of the show "Naked and Afraid"? That's what I call hide-and-seek with my uncle.
To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you are happy now.
Does anyone still look at this? If you do, tell me if I should make more jokes :)
Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real.
Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk.
Why can't orphans go on school field trips?
Parent Signature: _______
I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself.
How do you throw a surprise party at a hospital?
Bring a strobe light into the epilepsy ward.
What kind of bees eat brains?
Zombees.
What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? -- Identical.
Patient: "I'm starting to forget things."
Doctor: "Since when have you had this condition?"
Patient: "What condition?"
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light.
A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are... But I laugh more.