Short jokes
I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It picks cotton.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
Does anyone still look at this? If you do, tell me if I should make more jokes :)
What does a wizard say when doing drugs? Injecto Patronum!
There was once a Spanish magician. He said, "Uno, dos..." and he disappeared without a tres.
Why does the United States have such a good military? Because they learn to dodge bullets in school.
I’d tell a sodium and hydrogen pun, but NaH.
My mom is bad and my dad is bad.
I will always remember my grandpa's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
What is baseball?
What do a stool and an emo have in common?
They both sit still.
What did one chair say to the other?
"I'm so bummed out!"
The udder day I drank milk.
It was udderly delicious!
One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.
My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.
My teacher said he is gonna call my dad, I can't wait to meet him! 🥰🥰🥰
What is a mouse's favorite movie?
"Sharpay's Fabu-mouse Adventure!"
Sans: Wow, seems you’re really working yourself... down to the bone!
Why do people hate math? They always get hungry while learning about the pie chart.