Short jokes
What time do dogs 🐕 get a walk done ✅?
Time to walk with your dog 🐶!
Jeffy: I need a new butt. My old one has a crack in it.
What's black and red/read all over? A baby skunk with a bad case of diaper rash!
What’s the difference between a Canadian and a unicorn?
Nothing, they’re both mythical creatures.
I have something on my lip and I think I’m taller than you.
"Who am I?"
Have you ever said no? Did they keep going?
What do you say to a pig with no nose? You have n'ought a snout!
Why did the chef cook his eggs on the golf course? Because he wanted them par-boiled!
If Stephen Hawking was in a horror movie, would he make his robot try and shout, "Aaaaaaaah! Help me, I can't move! I'm too scared!"?
What's the difference between a Christian and a child who believes Santa exists?
Nothing. They both believe in fairytales!
Roses are red, lilacs are purple, I have a turtle, his name is Squirtle.
billie: hi.
me: You wanna hear a story?
billie: Yes, sure.
me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.
I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.
Two nuns were sitting on a bench. A flasher flashed them, and one of the nuns had a stroke... but the other one was too far away :)
What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
Why do women have periods?
Because they deserve them, haha!
My wife purely hates me for me having sex with our daughter.
It's not my fault I couldn't wait to get out of the abortion clinic!
Your mom gay.
What did the brother cell say when the sister cell stepped on his foot? Ow, mitosis! (my toe, sis)
Justin Bieber