Short jokes
Why is the iPhone 7 not a smartphone?
It doesn't know jack.
Why did the blonde run outside naked?
She thought the steam was a gas leak.
What did the girl say to the white guy? “You have a peener wiener!”
What weapon does a fat Jedi use?
A heavy saber.
Where do the Borg eat fast food?
Borger King.
How do you eat a meat?
You steak it in your mouth.
Why do midgets need a lot of books at school?
So they can reach the top of the desk.
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
What do we call a Canadian gay, disciplined cunt?
Donald Trump is still the president, even after the government has been shut down.
A penguin walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So what will it be this time?" The penguin doesn't answer because it's a penguin.
What's meaner than taking candy from a baby?
Throwing the baby off a cliff.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
Yeet.
Do you guys know why women have small feet? It's because God created them to stand closer to the sink when they wash dishes.
I'm thinking of getting a job as a gardener--pushing up the daisies!
It took Jesus 3 days to respond.
Worst lag ever!
I thought I told you to lock up when I left this morning. This is why our shit gets stolen all the time!
What did the make-a-wish kid say when the Avengers turn up without Tony Stark?
"We are in the endgame now!"
How many guns can an octopus hold?
9