Short jokes
Why can't gay people play Baseball? They can't throw the ball straight.
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
Why did Bob go to the store? To bob for apples.
My neighbor is like my marriage. They're both in the hole.
What did the cow say to the cheese? I am your father.
What do you call a cow that's laying down? Ground Beef.
Why did Suzy fall off the swings? Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Not Suzy.
What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?
Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.
I like my girlfriends like my children: dead.
How did Stephen Hawking die? His wife needed to charge her iPhone.
A man enters the bank and says, "Hi, I'm robbing you!" The man was arrested instantly.
All of us.
What did the cat say to the jar of cookies?
"Ground beef!"
Why are Communists considered the left?
Because they can’t do anything right.
What do women and moldy bread have in common?
A yeast infection.
If you cut off your head, you can't breathe.
You also can't breathe if you die.
So why isn't it debreathiation?
What happened when the 400+ women ate a slice of cake?
She died the next weekend.
This is a joke. Laugh now or else.
Q. What do you call a CEO that's been shot in the head?
A. An ambulance.
Why couldn't Sally open the fridge?
Because she had no arms.
What does NASA mean? No Apes Submit Astronauts.